the accidental mama

i joke around with blake a lot and call myself "the accidental mama". i know that could potentially come across offensive, but here's what i mean by it!

i never thought i'd be a mom. i was never one of those girls who dreamed of a wedding, a husband, or kids. i didn't play with baby dolls. i guess i just didn't think i had it in me, honestly. i babysat for 3 kids under 3 for a while and loved them. still, i love those children dearly. but i just never had a strong desire to have that of my own.

then blake came along, and from our very first date i could see my future. i remember going over to my best friend's house after our first date and telling her that if i didn't marry him that i was sure there wasn't anyone out there for me. i saw in him, a reflection of who i wanted to be. blake and i haven't always made the most biblical of decisions, and our fair share of lessons we have learned. but what i do know is that God chose to bless us tremendously though we failed him.

we learned i was pregnant on new years day of 2011. and the strange peace i felt about it is a feeling i don't think i'll ever forget. the fear is also a feeling i'm not sure i'll forget. i was embarking on a journey i did not think i could be successful in. unchartered waters. terrifying. but i knew that blake and i could and would get through it. so flash forward to later that year, as i'm lying in a hospital bed with stupid high blood pressure, blind sighted by the fact that i would not get to go into labor as i had planned. deeper unchartered waters. more fear. but you know the 2 things that remained constant? the peace of God in my soul, and my unwavering husband. i know y'all have read this from me before, and plenty of times at that, but God really knew what he was doing when he gave me blake. i am truly better because of him. the moment emma made her appearance, i knew, like strongly knew, i had finally fit in to where God had wanted me all along. the unfathomable love and joy that flooded over me confirmed a purpose in me i had never thought i'd ever know. i was a mama. and i was made to be one.

the more babies we bring into our family, the more they grow me. it is so crazy how much you can learn from such tiny people. they have changed me more than words could ever describe. they have given me a confidence and a comfort that only something God himself could work through. i am a blessed woman y'all.

i call myself the accidental mama because i kinda stumbled into this, blind and afraid. but when God leads you to it, he leads ya through it. and as cheesy and trite as that sounds, it sure is the truth. 

our quiver is occupied by 3 arrows. all different. all blessings. emma is 2, wyatt will be a year next month, and our 3rd is due in june! God making me their mama was definitely his calling on my life, and i am so grateful for the opportunity to love such sweet littles.