Thursday, September 26, 2013

growing pains

most of what i aim to blog about is mama material, marriage stuff, homemaking, life with littles, etc.. but today all i can think about is how God is growing me.

Jesus Christ has radically saved me. and changed me. and i am undoubtedly madly in love with Him. all i know about myself is that i try wholeheartedly to live my life making biblically sound choices that ultimately glorify Him. all that being said, it is crazy how your old self still creeps in.

even in high school i knew that i knew jesus, but honestly, i think i used our relationship as a wall to keep other people out. and i know i used it a chip on my shoulder. i'm really not proud of that. we all have things that we do, say, think that we wish we could take back. all too often i find myself upset about something someone did, or said, that made me feel hurt or left out or whatever. HOW SELFISH. i get sick of myself, ya know? but i feel God telling me, and more importantly showing me, that in those moments and realizations, that is where He wants to grow me. i'm not who i was 4 years ago. and in four more years, i hope i'm not who i am today. i want to continually grow in Christ. i want to be always be shaping myself into the woman, wife, mother, daughter, sister, and friend that HE wants me to be. i want to be open enough to see my own flaws, because in that transparency, i grow to be more sensitive to people. in that i grow to love people more because i see them like myself, and i know they are all loved like Christ loves me. and He is pursuing them like He is me, whether they see it or not.

i guess my whole point to this post is that all too often i let my past sin or even daily sin dictate my growth in Christ and i realize i'm doing exactly that he has called me NOT to do. i'm robbing myself of His grace. and i think grace gets enough abuse as it is. doing whatever you want because you think you're "covered by grace" is not salvation. and for me that means not always saying exactly how i feel or what i think just because i'm saved and think i have that right. my relationship with Jesus is the most beautiful privilege and i always want to make Him happy with my actions. and i want Him to know how much i appreciate grace and forgiveness.

my husband is my absolute favorite person on earth to talk to about anything. he always knows exactly what to say to whip my perspective into shape (well, most of the time. if i'm not being stubborn). we have completely honest conversations about everything and i always come out better after than i thought i was going into it. and blake in my life is how i know God gives us people to help us grow into who we are supposed to be in Christ. he sure does give me a reality check a lot, and i'm so thankful. he is the most "glass half full" person i've ever known. that is so refreshing. bless that man, i love him so.

it's not about me. it's not about me. it's not about me.
counting the happies, forever and always.

ps- i took a camera class on saturday with one of my fave photogs, so i'm trying to shoot in manual as much as possible. forgive me. my sister was in town with our nephew for my mom's birthday! love them.

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