Friday, April 25, 2014

Springtime in my soul

Oh how sunshine is good for a pregnant soul. Sometimes trying to make your kids be nice and love each other can really wear ya out. Even more so when you've been stuck inside for 28494927 months.

I've surrendered control to The Lord in a lot of areas of my life lately, and just basking in the springtime that is taking place in my heart. I'm spending my time weeding out the ugly, uprooting the bitter, and planting His promises deeper than before. Bless springtime. 

Yesterday was a glorious day here, and we spent it at the zoo with some of our church friends. I feel ridiculously blessed to get to walk alongside a group of women who are in the same seasons of motherhood, or a little bit ahead of me. They all teach me and encourage me more than they probably realize. Also, it's really great to hear "it gets better" instead of the "you're going to have your hands full" that I usually get from just about everyone. PSA: not the best thing to tell a stay-at-home-mama who is 8 months pregnant and constantly toting around 2 kids 2&under by herself constantly. You may think I'm crazy, but God tells me I can do this. So thank you for the wide eyes, but I am so grateful to get to do life with women who lift me up in those areas.

Last year not long after Wyatt was born, I took Emma on a date to the zoo. There is a splash fountain there (which she calls a "water spout"). Anyways, I thought she would have loved it, and boy was I dead wrong. She has been utterly terrified of that thing for over a year now. Well yesterday I thought I'd take her new bathing suit and Wyatt's, in hopes that if she saw her big girl friends do it that she would too. All morning long she kept saying "I not do the water spout mommy. Peez no water spout" I was surprised she even remembered. But when it was time, she wanted to put her suit on and "just watch" it didn't take long, along with a little encouragement, for her to try it! She was so brave and just started running through it! I was so so proud and made a huge deal about it, telling her I'd get her a blue icee (her favorite) if she was brave and tried it. She was so proud of herself which made me even happier. Wyatt on the other hand, not interested in the slightest. Maybe it had to do with it being so close to nap time? He was all about the snuggles instead. No complaints here. 

The kids fell asleep in the car, which I DREAD! They refused to go back to sleep when we got back home which made for a very exhausted mama. I just gave up and took them downstairs to eat Popsicles. Ya can't win em all ;) but after they were so good all day, it's hard to complain. They are just babies. I tend to forget that sometimes.

We are looking forward to a beautiful weekend! Happy Friday, friends!

Tuesday, April 22, 2014

easter shenanigans

we're all recovering from our easter high. a full day, no naps, lots of candy, that makes for two very grumpy babies and one very worn out mama. but it was a gorgeous weekend and i have no complaints.

i love holidays because it is time solely with my favorite people! and easter is my most favorite. a weekend to reflect on Jesus' sacrifice and worship him for defeating death and allowing me to live with him eternally. so good.

sunday we went to church, and after we headed to blake's family shindig.

funny side note: we love asking emma what she learns about at church. how she interprets the lessons is hilarious! so this is what we got on sunday.. "emma what did you learn in church today?" emma: "the king spanked jesus bottom! jesus not in the cave anymore! they cried." oh, that girl...

if i haven't mentioned it before, blake's family is ginormous. his mom is one of 6 and they each have several kids who also have several kids. so it is cousin central, and it couldn't be more awesome! emma loves getting to play with her older cousins. she came in second place for the little egg hunt, wyatt was doing well until he spotted a giant bouncy ball and gave up. that boy is a mess. after that, we spent the rest of the day at my parents house. my dad found a bunch of kayaks and a canoe that only needed small repairs, so he and blake finished the last one on satuday. sunday they were super anxious to get them out, and it was so pretty! although 8 months pregnant, i couldn't resist getting out on the lake too. it was a pretty ridiculous sight seeing me trying to get in and out of that kayak, but it was worth the struggle just getting out on the water for a little bit! emma got her first kayak ride too! wyatt will have to wait just a little while longer.

all in all, easter was a smashing success :) the multiple naps we've had this week to recover aren't too shabby either! happy tuesday friends!

Wednesday, April 16, 2014

to be like jesus

i've been immersed in the holy week study going on over at She Reads Truth. if you've never visited their site, give some of their plans a try. you will not be disappointed. i'm ridiculously addicted to women who long after Christ. and the women behind SRT are those kind of people.

this whole week's study has been heart-wrenching. but today. about Judas' betrayal, had me in tears. it also had me thinking "what does it really mean to be like Christ?" to someone who's wronged you, hurt you, betrayed you. what does it look like to choose love over vindication? matthew 26:47-56 paints that perfectly for me.

Jesus in the garden shows him at his most human state: overwhelmed, weak, exhausted, frustrated. those scenes hurt me more than anything else, because my sin put him there. my sin drove him to beg God to take the burden from him. in past scriptures "the cup" refers to God's wrath, so it hurts me even more knowing Jesus would drink from that cup all to take my place. he tells peter and the two sons to keep watch and pray because he is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death. that is some serious heaviness. and what do they do? they straight fall asleep. three times! what a perfect picture of us as humans. His obedience versus ours. Jesus knew judas was coming, and he knew exactly what was about to happen. and when judas kissed him? his response? in verse 50, "friend, do what you've come for". FRIEND. of all the words? friend. and i do not believe Jesus chose friend as sarcasm. Jesus chose "friend" to show judas, the crowd, peter and the 2 sons, that he was choosing love and obedience to God.


i honestly, probably would have reacted more like peter. just whipped out my sword and cut someone's ear off. you ain't gonna come at my jesus like that. no way. but even then, jesus reminds him that he hasn't come to start a rebellion. all that he has done was for a purpose, and it was all playing out in His will.

it shows me, that at the times where i am most hurt by people, when i want so badly to hurt them back, that i am more like judas and less like Christ. i am choosing vengeance over love and obedience. my debt was paid. i hope to remember this when my heart aches in anger and hurt. i want to choose Christ and call someone friend. in love and in obedience to what God asks of me. i cannot on my own, but i can through Christ.

i will be a basket case by sunday. i always lose it during an easter service. but it is so humbling. and i am so grateful.

Friday, April 11, 2014

Prefect grace in the most imperfect moment

I don't know about y'all, but I am super ridiculously bad about keeping things in. To the point where I get so overwhelmed by my feelings that I have these meltdowns where I just have to sit and cry to get it all out. Well, I've really tried to better about holding things in until recently. Some things just feel too personal to tell, and a lot of times I'm so afraid of being taken the wrong way or hurting someone's feelings that I feel it's just better if I keep it to myself. 

This all came to a head today. I'd been overwhelmed by things and runnings so fast from them that I never even gave myself a chance to sort through things until emotions and hormones were hitting me so hard that I couldn't push them back and I ended up sitting at the bottom of the stairs bawling like an idiot while my kids were both protesting naps from their beds. I'm ashamed to admit that. But I guess sometimes we have to admit the shameful, the embarrassing, the ugly parts to be able to learn and progress effectively. 

As I'm lost in my tornado of tears, I didn't even notice Emma had scooted down the stairs to sit beside me. She had also already wrapped her arm around my back. All I could do was apologize. And there it was. Jesus in my toddler. She put her tiny hand on my head and said "it's not your fault mommy. I sorry your sad. I not want you to cry. It'll be oootay mommy. Me and brother love you." Needless to say, I just bawled some more.

I write all of this to say, like I've said before, some moments get hard. I have this major issue thinking I need to do it all. Because I feel like it's my job to take care of things at home, I take it personally when things pile up, or lists don't get checked off, or babies don't sleep. I'm not near as productive 8 months pregnant with 2 kids under 3 and only like 4 hours of sleep. No one makes me feel like I need to do everything, only I do that to myself. 

So I'm not sure if you've ever been anywhere near where I was today. But there is not perfection, there is only grace. Grace through Christ, and apparently precious grace in the comfort of my toddler. I rob myself of His truth. Even though I read so often. It's on my heart, why isn't it in my head? Sometimes feelings are just that. They hold no validity in who Christ says I am and what he says I can do. 

Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you free from the law of sin and death. 
 -Romans 8:1

No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.
 -Romans 8:37

My husband might be a liiiiittle upset with me that I wrote this before I told him all of these things ;) love you babe. Thank you for showing me grace like Jesus every single day.

Saturday, April 5, 2014

that weird feeling

you know that weird feeling you get in your heart and belly when you just know God is going to use you in something? if you have never had that feeling, oh man you're missing out on some serious sweetness.

i love surprises. i probably like the surprise more than the actual surprise itself. just that feeling of not knowing but it being so exciting is so fun to me! and i think that's why i get so anxious about God being at work in my life lately. it's just a sweet season, the lead up. the seeking him, the re-evaluation, the focus on what lies ahead because you know whatever it is, it's going to be good. it's so refreshing in my walk with jesus when i come across things that make my heart beat faster and tears well up in my eyes. but it's also strange to be in the space where you aren't quite sure why those things make you feel that way, or how you can used in that area. but then i'm reminded i'm not called to know, because He is all-knowing. i'm called to say yes. in the simple and in the wild, i will say yes.

this 40 days with jesus has been wrecking me in all the good ways. i've seen things in myself, especially in the way i see/spend money, that are making make really great changes. i read a quite from david platt (i think? correct me if i'm wrong) where he said "i know i'll never stand before the lord and hear him say 'i wish you'd have kept more for yourself'" and that has really resonated with me. i will always love a new dress, a fresh haircut, a mani/pedi. but my love for God and people and how i serve both of those should trump any feeling of any purchase. God is a God of romance, and i sure do love that.

"he who loves money will not be satisfied with money, nor he who loves abundance with its income" -ecclesiastes 5:10

"for the mind set on the flesh is death, but the mind set on the spirit is life and peace" -romans 8:6

it's a beautiful saturday over here and our weekend is full of birthday parties! hope everyone's weekend is great!