Friday, April 11, 2014

Prefect grace in the most imperfect moment

I don't know about y'all, but I am super ridiculously bad about keeping things in. To the point where I get so overwhelmed by my feelings that I have these meltdowns where I just have to sit and cry to get it all out. Well, I've really tried to better about holding things in until recently. Some things just feel too personal to tell, and a lot of times I'm so afraid of being taken the wrong way or hurting someone's feelings that I feel it's just better if I keep it to myself. 

This all came to a head today. I'd been overwhelmed by things and runnings so fast from them that I never even gave myself a chance to sort through things until emotions and hormones were hitting me so hard that I couldn't push them back and I ended up sitting at the bottom of the stairs bawling like an idiot while my kids were both protesting naps from their beds. I'm ashamed to admit that. But I guess sometimes we have to admit the shameful, the embarrassing, the ugly parts to be able to learn and progress effectively. 

As I'm lost in my tornado of tears, I didn't even notice Emma had scooted down the stairs to sit beside me. She had also already wrapped her arm around my back. All I could do was apologize. And there it was. Jesus in my toddler. She put her tiny hand on my head and said "it's not your fault mommy. I sorry your sad. I not want you to cry. It'll be oootay mommy. Me and brother love you." Needless to say, I just bawled some more.

I write all of this to say, like I've said before, some moments get hard. I have this major issue thinking I need to do it all. Because I feel like it's my job to take care of things at home, I take it personally when things pile up, or lists don't get checked off, or babies don't sleep. I'm not near as productive 8 months pregnant with 2 kids under 3 and only like 4 hours of sleep. No one makes me feel like I need to do everything, only I do that to myself. 

So I'm not sure if you've ever been anywhere near where I was today. But there is not perfection, there is only grace. Grace through Christ, and apparently precious grace in the comfort of my toddler. I rob myself of His truth. Even though I read so often. It's on my heart, why isn't it in my head? Sometimes feelings are just that. They hold no validity in who Christ says I am and what he says I can do. 

Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you free from the law of sin and death. 
 -Romans 8:1

No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.
 -Romans 8:37

My husband might be a liiiiittle upset with me that I wrote this before I told him all of these things ;) love you babe. Thank you for showing me grace like Jesus every single day.

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