this whole week's study has been heart-wrenching. but today. about Judas' betrayal, had me in tears. it also had me thinking "what does it really mean to be like Christ?" to someone who's wronged you, hurt you, betrayed you. what does it look like to choose love over vindication? matthew 26:47-56 paints that perfectly for me.
Jesus in the garden shows him at his most human state: overwhelmed, weak, exhausted, frustrated. those scenes hurt me more than anything else, because my sin put him there. my sin drove him to beg God to take the burden from him. in past scriptures "the cup" refers to God's wrath, so it hurts me even more knowing Jesus would drink from that cup all to take my place. he tells peter and the two sons to keep watch and pray because he is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death. that is some serious heaviness. and what do they do? they straight fall asleep. three times! what a perfect picture of us as humans. His obedience versus ours. Jesus knew judas was coming, and he knew exactly what was about to happen. and when judas kissed him? his response? in verse 50, "friend, do what you've come for". FRIEND. of all the words? friend. and i do not believe Jesus chose friend as sarcasm. Jesus chose "friend" to show judas, the crowd, peter and the 2 sons, that he was choosing love and obedience to God.
i honestly, probably would have reacted more like peter. just whipped out my sword and cut someone's ear off. you ain't gonna come at my jesus like that. no way. but even then, jesus reminds him that he hasn't come to start a rebellion. all that he has done was for a purpose, and it was all playing out in His will.
it shows me, that at the times where i am most hurt by people, when i want so badly to hurt them back, that i am more like judas and less like Christ. i am choosing vengeance over love and obedience. my debt was paid. i hope to remember this when my heart aches in anger and hurt. i want to choose Christ and call someone friend. in love and in obedience to what God asks of me. i cannot on my own, but i can through Christ.
i will be a basket case by sunday. i always lose it during an easter service. but it is so humbling. and i am so grateful.