this has been my life over the last week. and i can say, humbly, it was rough. last week i ventured into my 3rd trimester, which is hauntingly similar to the first one. only, it's accompanied by more weight, pain, and sickness. it hit me all at once. which i guess all of that comes with the territory when you have 3 kids in 3 years, so i'm praising God for allowing me the blessing of carrying healthy babies.
anyways, i was pretty bogged down by pregnancy woes, and emma and wyatt decided to change up the way we work around here. it was interesting. emma has taken on this new attitude of not wanting anything to do with wyatt. and it absolutely breaks my heart into tiny little pieces. he wants nothing more than to play with her, and she is so annoyed by him. i know that's totally normal, but it sure doesn't make me feel any better. also, when she gets frustrated with him, she just lashes out and hits him or pushes him. which is so not her at all. so that has really frustrated me. and wyatt has stumbled into the land of toddlerhood. i forgot how hard this age was. and maybe it's just hard on me? but i'm starting to remember when things were difficult at this age for emma too. it's like, all of sudden they're big and they can do things. but they haven't reached the ability to communicate well enough to process things like toddlers. so that makes discipline super hard. he gets himself into situations that i warn him not to, then he gets in trouble and doesn't understand why. he's physically becoming a toddler, but still processes things much like he did as a baby before he was really mobile. so that's tough.
one night last week i wasn't feeling awesome, and blake and i had just finished up the kids baths. emma had been going 90 to nothing all day and wyatt had been super cranky (have i mentioned of much teething sucks?) so i was one worn out mama after a day of errands with them. wyatt snuck emma's sippy cup and she flipped her lid. i just lost it. started bawling right there. i just felt like i had failed all day. like i just could not get ahead to save my life. it all caught up with me. my mother in law scooped up the kids and took them to their room to play. blake just held me and let me cry before he swooped in with magic words like always. he always knows what to say to get me back on my regular level and encourage me. words of affirmation are one of my love languages, and he always fills me back up. i know i'm bad about holding our kids to such a high standard, that when they act like kids (2&1 years old) i don't give them the benefit of the doubt. which is something i'm praying and seeking Him through. when i am weak, He is strong.
i know that life works in seasons, so i'm praying for patience (always a dangerous thing ;) ) during this time of having to "re-learn" my babes.
until we get it all figured out, i'm thankful for my two sweet littles who grace me with kisses and snuggles. no one is more precious and forgiving than children. and i pray they always keep their kind spirits, and that we can raise them in a way that flourishes that nature in them.