I didn't realize how long I've neglected writing until just now! In full disclosure, I'm honestly not too terribly sure where I'm wanting to go with blogging anymore. I'm in a bit of a spat with the internet. I LOVE blogs. And instagram. I really really do. I just want everyday life to be celebrated a bit more. I want to see "perfect" people post grainy, non-curated photos just because it's one that makes them happy. I want to see more people celebrating their lives for what they are, not just for being hip or fancy. I, personally, really just want all of this for myself. I want to care less about what the internet might think or do. I want to be so content with the season God has me in. I want all aspects of my 2016 to feel worshipful. Maybe come January I'll write something about that. Who knows. Not me that's for dang sure.
So obviously I'm in a weird place. I'm just trying to lean in to the Lord and listen to where He wants me.
To catch up a little bit, I posted about The Gather Project last, and I am so proud (but not prideful) to say that we have had TWO gatherings since that post! I love that the women have coined the phrase calling them gatherings. It blesses me big time. The first one was in October, and when I tell you it was beautiful...my words could never do it justice. I truly feel like God blessed us with as much a piece of heaven as you can have on Earth. When I think about the sound of all those women's voices singing praise, it gives me chills. So then we got to do another one in December. It's just been such a huge honor for God to let us do this in our area. It will never get old! December was a hard month for me and Jesus. We've moved, which happened to be the week of The Gather Project. Terrible timing. Not sparing any shame, I truthfully just wasn't in the Word like I like to be. So my attitude and all-around life really reflected that. It was a tough month, and I'm looking forward to a fresh start. I had started, and put on hold, the Open Your Bible study by She Reads Truth (pretty ironic huh?). I'm really excited to pick that back up!
My prayers for 2016 are these:
Contentment- I just want to be thankful and at peace with where I am. I've written that a bunch, and I feel like I'm not wanting for more, I just love to stay in a place of gratitude. (Colossians 3:15-17)
Focus- I feel called to my husband and children before I'm called to serve elsewhere, and sometimes I get that mixed up a bit because everyday life doesn't always seem like service as much as it seems like necessity. But I want to focus on loving my family and serving them biblically and lovingly as much as God allows in 2016.
Gentleness- Bless. Just typing that I'm thinking "Lord are you sure You put gentleness on my prayer list?!" But alas, He did. I feel like I severely lack in gentleness. And those shortcomings are evident in my relationships. I'm not entirely sure how to be more gentle in speech and attitude? But I do know that My Father never lets me down when He calls me up to something. He provides every single time. (1 Peter 3:4)
I feel super thankful for all God has done for me and my family in 2015. It was a year of freedom for me! Which is really cool to see since I prayed for that at the beginning of the year! I want to hem into His Spirit more and more. I want to teach my children what it looks like to love Jesus and live without fear. I got see God give me a huge vision AND fulfill it! Here's to trusting Him to do abundantly more with this next year!
grace+peace,
han
Wednesday, December 30, 2015
Tuesday, August 25, 2015
some random thoughts for your tuesday
There happens to be a crap ton (yes i just internet-ed that) of randomness swirling around in my head, so what better place to dispose of them than my blog?! I'll preface all of them with…you're welcome. ;)
FIRST.
How is this the last week of august??? whaaaaaa. I love fall, because sweaters and jeans. But I have so enjoyed my summer with the kids. We've really gotten in a groove of just being together and adventuring every now and then, so I'll be sad to see it end when Emma goes back to school.
But even if it stays in the low 80's with this breeze, I'm good.
NEXT.
I really miss having a house. Just throwing that tiny bit of pity out there. Praying God works on my contentment issues.
We finished our Naptime Diaries Abide study and it was the jam. such a breath of fresh air! Now our women's ministry at church is about to start Breaking Free by my favorite woman, Beth Moore. SO looking forward to it!
Wyatt seems so grown to me lately. He's talking about all the things all the time. Someone else talking about all the thing all the time, to no exaggeration….Emma. BLESS. She also turned FOUR last week. I'm preparing that sappy post. Warn your tear ducts.
Hattie is teething fiercely and it's making her sick. Absolutely pitiful. Teething is of satan. It's got to be.
LASTLY.
The Gather Project is a total legitimate thing now. The date is october 8th. If you're reading this and planning on coming, PLEASE comment. I would really love to know! We have been in such deep prayer over this whole deal. And I struggle daily/hourly with whether or not I feel equipped to handle this. I'm leaning in so hard to Jesus and trusting it's all of Him. Nothing of me but my yes on the table. We have such good friends who have signed on to help and serve and pray in any way. I cannot even begin to describe how incredible it's been to see God orchestrate all of this.
Hope your Tuesday is not ruined by my ramblings!
FIRST.
How is this the last week of august??? whaaaaaa. I love fall, because sweaters and jeans. But I have so enjoyed my summer with the kids. We've really gotten in a groove of just being together and adventuring every now and then, so I'll be sad to see it end when Emma goes back to school.
But even if it stays in the low 80's with this breeze, I'm good.
NEXT.
I really miss having a house. Just throwing that tiny bit of pity out there. Praying God works on my contentment issues.
We finished our Naptime Diaries Abide study and it was the jam. such a breath of fresh air! Now our women's ministry at church is about to start Breaking Free by my favorite woman, Beth Moore. SO looking forward to it!
Wyatt seems so grown to me lately. He's talking about all the things all the time. Someone else talking about all the thing all the time, to no exaggeration….Emma. BLESS. She also turned FOUR last week. I'm preparing that sappy post. Warn your tear ducts.
Hattie is teething fiercely and it's making her sick. Absolutely pitiful. Teething is of satan. It's got to be.
LASTLY.
The Gather Project is a total legitimate thing now. The date is october 8th. If you're reading this and planning on coming, PLEASE comment. I would really love to know! We have been in such deep prayer over this whole deal. And I struggle daily/hourly with whether or not I feel equipped to handle this. I'm leaning in so hard to Jesus and trusting it's all of Him. Nothing of me but my yes on the table. We have such good friends who have signed on to help and serve and pray in any way. I cannot even begin to describe how incredible it's been to see God orchestrate all of this.
Hope your Tuesday is not ruined by my ramblings!
Tuesday, July 21, 2015
the gather project
This is super nerve wracking to post because it's becoming more real with each passing day and moment.
About a year ago, I prayed a big prayer. I asked God to clarify His purpose in me, for me, and my words. I told Him I wanted to see Him do something big in me and know it was from Him. This blog has been a huge answer to that. But even bigger than this, I feel like God has called me to women. Whatever that is going to look like in the future, I don't know.. But right now he has given me clear vision for our area.
From what I've noticed across social media, bible study groups, and even in my own friend groups, is that women want and strongly desire community. To be heard, feel known, and grown deeper. A relationship with Jesus is the first step in that direction. But what next? I believe discipleship and community are the follow up. To be encouraged by women who are alongside you in circumstance AND faith. To be mentored by women who have walked those same paths before you. Enter, God.
The gather project is exactly that. The idea is for a (eventually) monthly meet up for women of our area (west Atlanta) to gather, dwell, and abide in Christ. Worship, fellowship, and encouragement for women who desire to know God deeper. Like an intimate conversation in the coziest of places in your home, surrounded by women who love Jesus and desperately want to make Him known.
If you're reading this, and you're in our area, you're probably thinking "isn't that like the grove at passion city?" my answer is... I don't know. I've never been to a grove service other than the summer party. But I'm cool with it being similar. Because our west Georgia area could benefit from women worshipping alongside women whom they run into at the grocery store, or on campus, or at church. We're praying for a unity of women from local churches to come together expectant on what God is going to bring to the table.
So don't be afraid to pray for the big stuff. He is good in all things. We aren't called to produce the fruit, we're called to abide and bear the fruit. I am so excited to see this season of saying yes to God and I'm praying you'll join me in support! Whether that's prayer, volunteering, giving, or being a part of this event! I love hearing that women are encouraged by real and honest biblical perspective. So lets get on a team, ladies.
"and let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near"
hebrews 10:24-25
ROAR. and amen.
About a year ago, I prayed a big prayer. I asked God to clarify His purpose in me, for me, and my words. I told Him I wanted to see Him do something big in me and know it was from Him. This blog has been a huge answer to that. But even bigger than this, I feel like God has called me to women. Whatever that is going to look like in the future, I don't know.. But right now he has given me clear vision for our area.
From what I've noticed across social media, bible study groups, and even in my own friend groups, is that women want and strongly desire community. To be heard, feel known, and grown deeper. A relationship with Jesus is the first step in that direction. But what next? I believe discipleship and community are the follow up. To be encouraged by women who are alongside you in circumstance AND faith. To be mentored by women who have walked those same paths before you. Enter, God.
The gather project is exactly that. The idea is for a (eventually) monthly meet up for women of our area (west Atlanta) to gather, dwell, and abide in Christ. Worship, fellowship, and encouragement for women who desire to know God deeper. Like an intimate conversation in the coziest of places in your home, surrounded by women who love Jesus and desperately want to make Him known.
If you're reading this, and you're in our area, you're probably thinking "isn't that like the grove at passion city?" my answer is... I don't know. I've never been to a grove service other than the summer party. But I'm cool with it being similar. Because our west Georgia area could benefit from women worshipping alongside women whom they run into at the grocery store, or on campus, or at church. We're praying for a unity of women from local churches to come together expectant on what God is going to bring to the table.
So don't be afraid to pray for the big stuff. He is good in all things. We aren't called to produce the fruit, we're called to abide and bear the fruit. I am so excited to see this season of saying yes to God and I'm praying you'll join me in support! Whether that's prayer, volunteering, giving, or being a part of this event! I love hearing that women are encouraged by real and honest biblical perspective. So lets get on a team, ladies.
"and let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near"
hebrews 10:24-25
ROAR. and amen.
Also, any of my wonderful internet friends who are super talented...HELP in our logo struggle. The chalkboard image, but prettier. Comment or email me if you can be of assistance! Seriously, please. It's for Jesus ;)
it is for freedom
At the beginning of this year, I prayed for a purpose. Not anything super specific, but just that I would witness God move big, so big that I would know that it could only be Him. And also, I prayed for freedom.
God has done both. And it's July.
I'll wait on telling about the big things, because what I really want to talk about is freedom. God has pressed into me hard this year to abide. Abide in HIM because without Him, nothing happens. Lives don't get changed, roots don't grow deeper, vines don't bear fruits of the Holy Spirit. John 15:2 says "He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit, he prunes so that it will be more fruitful". And lately, I have found such freedom in that.
I've been doing Jess Connolly's Naptime Diaries, Abide, study. And i jotted something down last week that has been sinking in deeper and deeper. It is absolutely not about us, or what we'll gain, or what we'll become. It's about God and the characteristics He portrays. To me, that speaks loads into my issues with freedom. Jesus does not say try harder. He simply says, rest here. I have laid down my struggles before The Lord, my body insecurities, my anxiety over persecution and failure and fear, my need to be heard, all of that has bound me in my walk with Christ. Because we all tend to think we have to try harder. Be more kind, be more patient with our children, be more loving towards our husbands, be more gentle. And the freedom in Jesus and salvation is, we don't produce those fruit! We are just called to bear it and be the branches. By staying deep in God's word, we rest. Rest in knowing we don't have to have it all together. We don't have to be more. We can't. The world cannot make you more patient, or a better person. There is so much peace in who I am right now because Jesus has made my yoke so light.
I, by nature, am a wary person. I don't usually just jump hard into things. But lately, I've felt God calling me to surrender. Just a gentle whisper that says "jump! I got you!" But I'm like, God…You know I like to wade out. Not jump. So I have cannonballed into freedom. Not caring what it looks like to other people. Freedom to be who God has called me to be, and what God has called me to do. I got made fun of recently because I sort of, kind of, want a van. Y'all. I'm 24. With 3 kids. And I want a van. But I don't care! It is what it is ;) haterz gonna hate. I really enjoy working out. And I wish I could make it more of a priority, but I go when I can and that's a couple times a week. I look nothing like the girls I work out with AND THAT IS OKAY. I struggled for a little while because I would compare myself and that is such a slippery slope. So I got real with God and asked Him to speak purpose into me. To free my heart in ways I haven't even thought of. And He sure enough did.
After a season of hardship in my heart, it feels so beautiful to be at rest. To know it's not my struggle. to be able to say YES GOD. And Him take care.
What's holding you back from freedom in Christ? Let us not be afraid to get real with God. Because He is big enough to handle our breakdowns. And sure enough is the only one ho can put us back together.
God has done both. And it's July.
I'll wait on telling about the big things, because what I really want to talk about is freedom. God has pressed into me hard this year to abide. Abide in HIM because without Him, nothing happens. Lives don't get changed, roots don't grow deeper, vines don't bear fruits of the Holy Spirit. John 15:2 says "He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit, he prunes so that it will be more fruitful". And lately, I have found such freedom in that.
I've been doing Jess Connolly's Naptime Diaries, Abide, study. And i jotted something down last week that has been sinking in deeper and deeper. It is absolutely not about us, or what we'll gain, or what we'll become. It's about God and the characteristics He portrays. To me, that speaks loads into my issues with freedom. Jesus does not say try harder. He simply says, rest here. I have laid down my struggles before The Lord, my body insecurities, my anxiety over persecution and failure and fear, my need to be heard, all of that has bound me in my walk with Christ. Because we all tend to think we have to try harder. Be more kind, be more patient with our children, be more loving towards our husbands, be more gentle. And the freedom in Jesus and salvation is, we don't produce those fruit! We are just called to bear it and be the branches. By staying deep in God's word, we rest. Rest in knowing we don't have to have it all together. We don't have to be more. We can't. The world cannot make you more patient, or a better person. There is so much peace in who I am right now because Jesus has made my yoke so light.
I, by nature, am a wary person. I don't usually just jump hard into things. But lately, I've felt God calling me to surrender. Just a gentle whisper that says "jump! I got you!" But I'm like, God…You know I like to wade out. Not jump. So I have cannonballed into freedom. Not caring what it looks like to other people. Freedom to be who God has called me to be, and what God has called me to do. I got made fun of recently because I sort of, kind of, want a van. Y'all. I'm 24. With 3 kids. And I want a van. But I don't care! It is what it is ;) haterz gonna hate. I really enjoy working out. And I wish I could make it more of a priority, but I go when I can and that's a couple times a week. I look nothing like the girls I work out with AND THAT IS OKAY. I struggled for a little while because I would compare myself and that is such a slippery slope. So I got real with God and asked Him to speak purpose into me. To free my heart in ways I haven't even thought of. And He sure enough did.
After a season of hardship in my heart, it feels so beautiful to be at rest. To know it's not my struggle. to be able to say YES GOD. And Him take care.
What's holding you back from freedom in Christ? Let us not be afraid to get real with God. Because He is big enough to handle our breakdowns. And sure enough is the only one ho can put us back together.
Saturday, May 9, 2015
Best Job Ever
Mother's Day is here! And I wanted to take just a moment to say what every woman should hear and say on this day.
YOU. ARE. DOING. GOOD. WORK.
You heard that right? Because you really are. I truly believe every woman who has ever invested and cared for another person of younger life experience needs to hear that. I have known women who have never carried a baby in their own womb, but because they shared the deepest parts of their hearts, to me they have mothered. And they should be celebrated.
I will be the first to tell you, that being a mom is hard-stinking-work. So just for one day, let's all put aside the mom war opinions and look at another woman and say straight into their souls, "sister, you have loved and you are so loved. I'm thankful for you. Happy Mother's Day!"
I believe in the hard, ugly parts of motherhood. Those times where you secretly (and sometimes not so secretly) just want a durn moment to be by yourself and finish a thought. Those times you want to finish unloading the dishwasher without some crazy kid climbing in and licking a freshly washed spoon. Those times where you tell your toddler "NO MORE TALKING." I can't be the only one right? Those times are hard. They don't always show the best parts of our attitudes, but they're important. Why? Because grace. Grace is the glorious realm where all parents dwell. It is the place where Christ holds us and whispers (sometimes shouts) "you cannot do this without Me." It is where I am humbled to repentance and used as an example right in front of my own children. And not long after always comes the sweet forgiveness from tiny faces with pure hearts. They invite me to cuddle, or ask to be held, or sneak in a kiss as they hurry by to play..and that's where the beauty is. On the other side of the hard stuff, which you might miss completely if you aren't careful. That kind of love makes me weepy, yall. Like putty in the hands of my babies.
Loving anyone is hard. Probably because we cannot control other people the way we'd like to. But whether you have loved a 3 week old, a 13 year old, or a 30 year old, I believe you have mothered in some way or another. There will always be hard parts. There will always be mom guilt. I have had 3 kids in 3 years and I have been told a different way was best each time. You cannot please everyone. And luckily you don't have to. I want to be the mom speaking life into the women entering this sweet season of motherhood. Not the one at the baby shower freaking out the new mom-to-be with horror stories of labor and up all night misery, or the you should blah blah blah or you aren't giving your baby the best... I try to tell all of my mama friends this: Your baby won't know any better than you do. You are learning together. Love them well, serve them well. Ask forgiveness when you know you need to.
At the end of the day, you have done the best you could. You are awesome! You're doing a great job, sister! Whether with your baby, your niece you're helping take care of, or as a foster or adopted mother, you are making a difference! Your influence is a blessing. Be a builder, not a bulldozer.
This Mother's Day, tell another mama (preferably one who may do things differently than you) that you love them and how they love their babies. Trust me when I say that women need to hear that from other women. And I think it blesses God's heart to see us encourage one another.
So. Happy Mother's Day to all you ladies who have spoken life into a young person. You are impactful! You are so beautiful and so perfect for your babies! Swim in His grace today and every day. Kiss your babies, and squeeze them tight, because the responsibility might be hard, but it truly is the best job ever.
Tuesday, May 5, 2015
Little Ladd Adventure!
So this weekend we took our littles camping for the first time! Blake and I love being outside and trying fun things together, and since we're inching in on the one year mark for Hattie, I felt like we could brave camping! So we packed up and headed out Friday night! My parents came to visit and so did Blake's. Hattie has been suffering from a sinus infection so she went back home to sleep with my parents ;) and Emma heard that Blake's parents were staying at a nearby hotel so they could come back the next day, so she begged to stay there. Basically, Wyatt, Blake, and I camped and the others just visited during the day! Ha!
We honestly had so much fun. The kids got to go fishing with their very own poles (which they promptly broke so we rigged them up to let them feel like they were really fishing). We kayaked and Wyatt crashed out there with Blake after like five minutes. It was so cute. That bubba is boy after his daddy's own heart. They love the outdoors and water. 
I got to spend a lot of precious one on one time with Emma and it felt so good to my soul! She is so caring and thoughtful, and funny! Gosh that girl is so funny. I taught her how to skip rocks and she braved the water to her knees with NO FLOATIE! I couldn't believe it! I was so proud. 
I got to finally try out some smores with Reese's! Best thing ever. You have to try it. It's not so much a part of #handoeshealthy but I couldn't pass it up. I'm back on track this week.
We straight wore them out this weekend! They were EXHAUSTED by the time we loaded up. I barely made it to the exit of the campground before they passed out in the back! And our dog, Callie, in my passenger seat was conked out too. 
I'm so glad we decided to try this! And even though 2 of them kinda chickened out on the over night, next time they'll do it! It was so much fun and such a blessing to get to spend good time with our family!
Wednesday, March 25, 2015
Emmisms
Anyways, here are some of the funny things I've jotted down from her lately!
Talking to me about her wedding:
Me- "who are you going to marry?"
E- "brother! And I will have long hair!"
Hattie's nickname is muffin, so while Emma was talking to her:
"Hattie! Hattie muffin! You're my little blueberry muffin because dats my favorite!"
Getting up for school after time change so it's still dark out, "um daddy I don't think it's time for school. The sky is still asleep"
"My hair boo-londe(blonde) like moo-lan(mulan)"
Emma what do you want to be when you grow up? "A queen! No, a princess! No...I want to pour the drinks in the cups. And I want to feed Callie all by myself!"
Blake- "so you wanna be like mommy?"
Emma- "YES!"
Leaving a friend's house, they have a one year old girl..
Emma- "guys wait! I think we got the wrong baby!"
Friday, March 13, 2015
TWO
My baby man turned two on the 28th of February. We celebrated at the beach visiting our in-laws. You can see our spider-man soiree on my instagram @aquiverfullblog. I never knew what people meant when they would say "just wait until you have a baby boy. there's just something about a boy and his mama" and man were they right. I don't know if it's because he's my middle child or because he's our only boy or may both.. But he sure has a way of skirting around trouble by just looking at me with his smirky smile and saying "uh mama? I kiss you". He's painfully shy in new settings, but at home he is a straight up wild man, talking non stop. He loves playing with Emma (which is not always well received by her) and repeats everything she says and does. He looooooves him some food. Which is pretty hilarious. If he's ever in a full on meltdown (which is often of lately) I just sit him down at the table with a snack. Usually clears the issue.. He's like a snickers commercial.
Loves ninja turtles and madagascar. Obsessed with the Frosty the Snowman song. It is seriously his favorite and if anyone is every singing he puts in that request real quick. He likes to wrestle, which Hattie is on the receiving end of most of the time. She loves it. He always wants to go outside even if it's freezing and raining.
His current favorite phrase is "don't want to" which is frustrating and funny. Funny because that's how I got him to sleep last night, by going through all the things he didn't want to do.. and he fell asleep mid list. HA! He's completely obsessed with animals. We had a random dog come up to my parents house while we were visiting this weekend and it jumped all over Wyatt's head. Once he got over that initial shock, all he wanted was to go play with that puppy. He always has his hands full of dinosaurs, horses, or trucks. Or.....snacks.
Wyatt Boone you have surely inherited your daddy's joy for life. It makes you so happy to make us laugh. It blesses me to see that in you because it's what I love most about your daddy. I could eat your face with a spoon I love you so much. Your kind heart will be blessing and I pray every day that you will grow up knowing the Lord and be a Godly man who loves and serves others. I'm so proud to be your mama!
I love you so much, mister big muscles! Let's make year two so much fun!
Monday, February 23, 2015
it's about to get real
This is a post I've been struggling to write for about six months. Which is possibly why the blog has been so quiet.
I like to write about real stuff. Good, fun stuff. Hard stuff. Not just day to day stuff. Not that daily life blogs are bad, because I totally read the mess out of those. I started this blog as a way to share and encourage other mamas and to pour out the gospel even if into a tiny crack in a very bad day.
But if I'm being honest, which most of the time, is my fault in life, some things are almost too hard to hit publish on. Some feelings sink too deep into the soul. And frankly, some feelings, as a parent, can make you think "surely I'm the only one feeling that so I should keep that one to myself". So that's what I've done these last several months...just kept them to myself. But not any longer. I started this blog with honesty in the good and the bad, with the longing to see Christ in all of it. Spilling the beans I will...
Emma turned three last August. Wyatt was one and a half, Hattie was two months. And when September came, things got HARD. Fast. I remember when Emma turned two and Wyatt was six months old and everyone warned me about "terrible twos" so I waited...and besides some communication issues, which led to a handful of fits, we never really sunk into them. BUT THEN WE HIT THREE. Turning three was a whole new ball game. Complete with fighting, screaming, flailing, and 360 degree head spinning. Whoa. Looking back over these past fews months, I bet it would classify as some type of depression because I just struggled with it that badly. I felt like nothing I did with her was right. I tried to be patient, FAIL. I tried to be firm, FAIL. I tried choosing my battles, FAIL. It kept me at the feet of Jesus for sure because all I could was pray that she wouldn't keep that attitude forever and I wouldn't feel like a failure of a mother forever.
Sure as the sun rises, God delivers. We are finally coming out of that awful spell. I can finally talk about the last six months without getting sweaty and tearful. Apparently that's a big hormonal change for toddlers. I realize how silly that sounds, but man it's true! You how people say don't pray for patience? Well I did, and I got the hard stuff. But it grew me. And it still is. I am learning to breathe it out. To go to HIM at the first inkling of a meltdown. In the bible study I'm currently doing, she touches on God as a parent. How He parents us. He is encouraging AND instructional. Firm AND forgiving. Always abounding in love(Joel 2:13). That's how I want to parent. I want to be able to step back in that moment of fury of disobedience and wait it out so I can discipline out of love instead of bitterness. That's where the teachable moments are. It's made all the difference so far.. Apologizing to our children when we're out of line sets the precedent for them to do the same. Apologizing to God when we're disobedient allows for much grace. And oh my word I need that grace. I need to straight up swim in that grace because I want to reflect it to my own children.
I'm grateful for the women God has blessed me with that aren't afraid to say, "Heck yeah that age was the worst, but trust me it gets easier." Those women that will pray over me and for me even when I don't know. And for my husband who sees the work that I put into our children and encourages me on it. It's not a paycheck, but his words are worth more than dollars to me. I need that affirmation. I feel so blessed to have the type of relationship where we can be completely honest with one another, even if it might hurt.
Blake and I had a hard conversation a couple of weeks ago about how I feel like I'm so consumed by motherhood, I've forgotten who I am. Just me. Not someone's wife or mom. I'm sure these feelings surfaced because of how hard the past few months have been. And they aren't thoughts out of regret. But God called ME to HIM first. He called me to seek Him, live wildly and passionately for Him and somehow that was getting lost in the shuffle. So when Satan sniffs a weakness, he preys on it. I've mentioned before how I can struggle with fear. And that's where he got me. Fear of all kinds of things that can go wrong. No more.
Marriage can be hard. Motherhood can be hard. Basically just being a human can be hard. It's even worse apart from God. My salvation is my sanity. And when I'm feeling crazy, I take it to the cross and lay it down. No longer my burden to bear. God removes it, by the blood of Jesus I am free.
Are you living in that freedom?
Here's to another crazy week of toddler girls in princess dresses and veils of terrycloth (see it on my instagram), wyatt boone and whatever shenanigans he may get himself into, and teething baby girl who keeps me up all night. I love the craziness. But I love God more. May I serve Him beautifully in the midst of all of my crazy. May I love my husband well, and encourage him.
AMEN.
I like to write about real stuff. Good, fun stuff. Hard stuff. Not just day to day stuff. Not that daily life blogs are bad, because I totally read the mess out of those. I started this blog as a way to share and encourage other mamas and to pour out the gospel even if into a tiny crack in a very bad day.
But if I'm being honest, which most of the time, is my fault in life, some things are almost too hard to hit publish on. Some feelings sink too deep into the soul. And frankly, some feelings, as a parent, can make you think "surely I'm the only one feeling that so I should keep that one to myself". So that's what I've done these last several months...just kept them to myself. But not any longer. I started this blog with honesty in the good and the bad, with the longing to see Christ in all of it. Spilling the beans I will...
Emma turned three last August. Wyatt was one and a half, Hattie was two months. And when September came, things got HARD. Fast. I remember when Emma turned two and Wyatt was six months old and everyone warned me about "terrible twos" so I waited...and besides some communication issues, which led to a handful of fits, we never really sunk into them. BUT THEN WE HIT THREE. Turning three was a whole new ball game. Complete with fighting, screaming, flailing, and 360 degree head spinning. Whoa. Looking back over these past fews months, I bet it would classify as some type of depression because I just struggled with it that badly. I felt like nothing I did with her was right. I tried to be patient, FAIL. I tried to be firm, FAIL. I tried choosing my battles, FAIL. It kept me at the feet of Jesus for sure because all I could was pray that she wouldn't keep that attitude forever and I wouldn't feel like a failure of a mother forever.
Sure as the sun rises, God delivers. We are finally coming out of that awful spell. I can finally talk about the last six months without getting sweaty and tearful. Apparently that's a big hormonal change for toddlers. I realize how silly that sounds, but man it's true! You how people say don't pray for patience? Well I did, and I got the hard stuff. But it grew me. And it still is. I am learning to breathe it out. To go to HIM at the first inkling of a meltdown. In the bible study I'm currently doing, she touches on God as a parent. How He parents us. He is encouraging AND instructional. Firm AND forgiving. Always abounding in love(Joel 2:13). That's how I want to parent. I want to be able to step back in that moment of fury of disobedience and wait it out so I can discipline out of love instead of bitterness. That's where the teachable moments are. It's made all the difference so far.. Apologizing to our children when we're out of line sets the precedent for them to do the same. Apologizing to God when we're disobedient allows for much grace. And oh my word I need that grace. I need to straight up swim in that grace because I want to reflect it to my own children.
I'm grateful for the women God has blessed me with that aren't afraid to say, "Heck yeah that age was the worst, but trust me it gets easier." Those women that will pray over me and for me even when I don't know. And for my husband who sees the work that I put into our children and encourages me on it. It's not a paycheck, but his words are worth more than dollars to me. I need that affirmation. I feel so blessed to have the type of relationship where we can be completely honest with one another, even if it might hurt.
Blake and I had a hard conversation a couple of weeks ago about how I feel like I'm so consumed by motherhood, I've forgotten who I am. Just me. Not someone's wife or mom. I'm sure these feelings surfaced because of how hard the past few months have been. And they aren't thoughts out of regret. But God called ME to HIM first. He called me to seek Him, live wildly and passionately for Him and somehow that was getting lost in the shuffle. So when Satan sniffs a weakness, he preys on it. I've mentioned before how I can struggle with fear. And that's where he got me. Fear of all kinds of things that can go wrong. No more.
Marriage can be hard. Motherhood can be hard. Basically just being a human can be hard. It's even worse apart from God. My salvation is my sanity. And when I'm feeling crazy, I take it to the cross and lay it down. No longer my burden to bear. God removes it, by the blood of Jesus I am free.
Are you living in that freedom?
Here's to another crazy week of toddler girls in princess dresses and veils of terrycloth (see it on my instagram), wyatt boone and whatever shenanigans he may get himself into, and teething baby girl who keeps me up all night. I love the craziness. But I love God more. May I serve Him beautifully in the midst of all of my crazy. May I love my husband well, and encourage him.
AMEN.
Tuesday, January 13, 2015
a new year
Well we're a couple weeks in to the new year and I have yet to post anything.. Even as I type this I find myself struggling to write (so surprising I know...). I don't know why I feel like I'm in such a tough spot but for whatever reason, I am.
2014 was full of so much change for us. Wyatt turned one, Hattie came in June, and Emma turned three in August. Life with three littles has proven to be magical and excruciating all at the same time. Everyone warned me about terrible twos. Well two was a flippin' cake walk compared to 3. Emma turning 3 has stretched me more than I ever imagined.. I know how to parent babies, how to discipline a tantrum-throwing toddler, but this whole parenting a tiny person who can fully communicate they're very own opinion has been hard. I'm working on including her in decisions that pertain to her, and considering her opinions and perspectives. I want her to feel heard and understood and like what she thinks matters, because it totally does. I'm so used to making a decision and bam, that's it. But with Emma, that all gets reconfigured. I want to cultivate that sparkle in her eyes, not dull it. But I also want her to know that I am who she has to listen to and she doesn't always get her way on things. Right now, that's the struggle. We're working on getting her to stay the whole night in her bed with Wyatt. In the past we've used a reward system with big things like this. The issue with that now is she expects something every time she does what is expected of her. So we're trying to teach her that's not how life works... but I also want her to come to us if she's scared and know that we'll protect her. Oh the parenting struggle.
This is a super tough season of motherhood for me.. So that might explain the blog silence. Raising tiny people, to grow up to be strong, Christ-centered people is super hard work. And it's pretty mentally draining. I keep reminding myself that "comparison is the their of joy" and that i'm doing good work. The days are long but the years are short... ain't that the truth!
Here's to 2015! I want this year to be full of bravery and less anxiety. I want to see God move in big ways in our family. I want to keep working on my fitness ;) and speaking truth over my children. I want to keep falling in love with my husband. I want to make new friends and grow deeper roots with old ones. I want to love hard and intentionally.
Happy New Year!
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